The Hot Spring Incident
by CaptainCheeseOnToast
Summary: Robin and Vaike learn a valuable lesson- never spy on a woman in a hot spring! (This will contain suggestions of nudity in it-but not in a ton of detail, I would never go that far! Rated M just in case!) This takes place roughly five months before the misadventures of the Justice Cabal!
1. Chapter 1:WHOOPS

"Heh heh heh... This spot is perfect!" Vaike was lying on his stomach, on a grassy hill, just west of a small village near the Shepherd's campsite. He was staring off into the distance, when Robin came up behind him.

"What are you doing, Vaike?" He scratched his short, dark hair as Vaike jumped and turned around.

"OHMENOTHINGNOTHINGATALLJUST... UM... PICKING SOME FLOWERS!" He unconvincingly started picking at the grass below him.

"What are you REALLY doing, Vaike?" Robin sighed as he stared down at the blonde-haired hunk of muscle on the ground in front of him.

"Sigh... If you must know... I was trying to spy on whoever is in the hot spring..."Vaike avoided Robin's eyes as he spoke.

"VAIKE! How could you! That's so perverse! Robin's hazel eyes widened with shock, as Vaike's face went red. Before Vaike could respond, they heard somebody singing in the hot spring."Wow... What a voice... I'm sure... One peek wouldn't hurt..." Robin walked forward slowly towards the hot spring.

"Haha! That's the spirit!" Vaike chuckled, and followed him.

The two men crouched down behind a small, stone wall, and the peered around it. They both started whispering to each other.

"Dude, there's too much steam! I can't see who it is!"

"Neither can I! But they have a great voice!"

"Hey the steam's clear-WOAH... They have such bi-"

"Shh, Vaike! You'll get us caught!"

"I'm sorry, it's just... Wow... Wait, it's getting easier to see! I think it's... Lucina? Woah! She's smokin'!

_Imagine Lucina singing the Fire Emblem main theme here for extra effect. _

"VAIKE, THAT'S MY WIFE." Robin couldn't help standing up and speaking loudly to Vaike, out of anger.

"HEY. IS SOMEBODY THERE?" Lucina turned around, and saw Vaike crouched behind a wall, with Robin glaring at him. Their eyes suddenly widened, and they slowly turned to look at Lucina, who was already reaching for the Falchion.

"GAME OVER DUDE, GAME OVER!" Vaike bolted as fast as he could screaming as he went.

"DON'T LEAVE ME HERE TO DIEEEEEEE!" Robin sprinted after him, never looking back.

"YOU'RE BOTH DEAD!" Lucina had the Falchion in her hands, and was running down the hill after them. She had water dripping off of her, she didn't even bother putting a towel on or drying herself before hunting them down. She was out for their blood...


	2. Chapter 2: Run!

Morgan was in the village, buying some food to go in the newly-formed Justice Cabal's hideout. She was really excited- the three of them (herself, Owain and Cynthia) had already pulled off one daring heist- stealing stools for the Justice Cabal's Tent of Important Business (remember, this takes places five months BEFORE the misadventures of the Justice Cabal, so they had not settled into Castle Ylisstol yet!)! Morgan had been sent, and she was currently buying some bread- she already had bought some butter, a load of cucumbers (for some reason nobody knows, Cynthia adores cucumbers- she could survive solely off of them if she had to), and some ham. She was just about to walk back to the campsite, when Vaike came running.

"GAAAA-OUT OF THE WAAAAY!" He charged past, almost knocking the poor girl over!

"Eh? What in Naga's name was that all about?" She looked in the direction he had came in and saw Robin running down the hill "Father?! Why are you running?" Robin stopped running when he reached her.

"SORRY MOEGAN CAN'T TALK, I'LL CATCHYOU LATER." With that, he ran off again, darting down the narrow streets. Morgan was dumbfounded-what was going on! Then she heard MORE shouting, and saw Lucina sprint by, clutching the Falchion.

"WHEN I CATCH YOU TWO, I'LLL CASTRATE YOU BOTH!" She was past Morgan in an instant.

"M-MOTHER?!" Morgan's mouth was open in disbelief. Lucina was naked. Stark naked. Morgan was so confused and scared, she fainted on the spot!

Robin had caught up with Vaike, and they had rushed through the village, bowling over several villagers on the frantic dash to safety. They eventually left the town behind, and ended up in a forest.

"QUICK! UP THIS TREE! WE CAN HIDE HERE!" Robin grabbed onto a branch of a thick oak tree and scrambled upwards. Vaike leaped up and joined him, hidden in the leaves of the tree.

"How long... Will we have to wait... Up here?" Vaike was out of breath from running.

"Hmm.. At least a week..." Robin mused to himself.

"A week?! We can't stay up here for a week!"

"Mm... Make that two months, at least. Then we have a chance of her calming down."

"TWO...MONTHS? IN A TREE?"

"I have money on me... I can sneak down to the village and buy some food, if it comes to it..."

"SHH... She's below us..." They both stopped talking and peered down. Lucina was below them, snarling, and looking around, the Falchion dragging across the ground. She carried on walking, past the tree they were in. Vaike and Robin both silently thanked Naga, but the sudden movement caused Vaike to slip slightly, and the branch they were perching on rustled loudly. Lucina spun around and glared directly at them.

"THERE YOU ARE... PREPARE TO DIE..." Lucina raised the Falchion, and with one quick dash, she had cut halfway through the tree's trunk.

"OH NO! Robin clung on to a higher branch, as the tree swayed over to one side.

"WE'RE GONNA DIE!" Vaike was desperately trying to climb to a different branch. Lucina turned around, and prepared another strike...


	3. Chapter 3: Tree chopping!

"QUICK! JUMP TO THAT TREE OVER THERE!" Robin shouted, and leapt towards a tree to his right. Vaike , with a startled cry, flung himself towards the tree Robin was clinging on to, as the tree he was just on shuddered, and fell over.

"GET DOWN HERE AND DIE YOU PERVESRE COWARDS!" Lucina was already hacking away at the new tree the two terrified men were hanging on to...

Morgan opened her eyes. She was lying on the ground, with several bags full of food around her. She groaned and got up, picking up the bags. She looked around, and noticed that all the villagers that were the stalls were missing. She heard the sound of voices, and followed the sounds, until she came across a large crowd...

"OH DEAR NAGA VAIKE JUMP FOR YOUR LIFE" Robin and Vaike were jumping from tree to tree, as each tree in this once dense forest was hacked down by Lucina, who was STILL out for their blood. She had now mustered enough strength to fell every tree in one blow, and she had deforested, well, the forest. Robin and Vaike jumped to the last tree left, and clung on for dear life.

"This looks like then end, Vaike. it was nice knowing you."  
"I DON'T WANNA DIE!"

"Oh, I'm going to enjoy disembowelling you both slowly and painfully..."Lucina raised the Falchion, ready to strike, when Morgan had pushed her way to the front of the crowd. When she saw what was happening, she cried out,

"MOTHER?! WHAT IN NAGA'S NAME IS GOING ON?"

Hearing Morgan's voice, Lucina turned around, and Robin and Vaike looked in the direction of the crowd. They had been all so busy with trying to kill/survive, that hadn't noticed the crowd watching them! Then, that's when Lucina noticed all the men in the crowd were staring at her.

"Why are you staring at m-"

"Uh... Lucina? You might want to put a towel on."

"What do you m-oh. OH. OH NO. UM..." Lucina's face went bright red, and she hid herself as best she could behind the last remaining tree. Morgan fainted again.

"THANK YOU MORGAN," Vaike and Robin called from the tree. They climbed down, and snuck away from Lucina, who had run for the hills. If Chrom finds out, she would either be ridiculed or he would hate her. She wasn't going to take any chances with talking to him.

On their way out of the village, Robin and Vaike picked up Morgan, and took her back to the Campsite with them.

"So, that was some thrill ride, eh?" Vaike was a lot more cheery and relieved, now that he knew he was in no danger of being circumcised by the Falchion.

At the Campsite, Vaike left to get some food, since it was evening by the time they had got back. Robin had dropped Morgan of at her tent, and went to study tactics, in the small stone room he had gotten dibs on when they first set up camp. He had filled it with all of his books (roughly all 180 of them), and took out a big, purple one that was named "War Strategies Volume III: The Hero King's Decoys & Other Strategies." He had bookmarked the page he was up to, so he went straight to that page. On that page, he instantly noticed the childish scribbles and notes littering the borders of the text.

"W-WHAT?! I used protection magic on all of my books! How did somebody deface my book like this?"He was furious. This was a vintage book he had spent a lot of money on (There were seven volumes in this line of strategy books, and it had cost him five month's wages for it. You'd be mad too, if seven books cost you over £500!). He looked at the writing closely, and saw that it looked identical to Morgan's. He got up out of his seat, folded the book under his arm, and stormed off to Morgan's tent.


	4. Chapter 4: The conclusion!

"Mmm... Chicken pie..." Chrom was sitting down in the mess tent, stuffing his face with Sumia's renowned pies. Lucina walked in (now with her clothes on), staring at the floor the whole time, and with a sad expression on her face.

"Hey, Lucina," Chrom looked at her, and she suddenly darted her eyes up at him "are you ok? You look sad."

"Me? Sad? NonononoI'mjustfineyoudon'tneedtoworryaboutme! She took a bunch of bread and ran off, leaving a confused Chrom to his pie.

"Huh... Weird. Something clearly is up." He decided to forget about it, and resumed stuffing his face with pie.

"MORGAN? ARE YOU AWAKE YET?" Robin shouted out in front of Morgan's tent. He heard a grumpy mumbling coming from inside, and Morgan peered her head out.

"What do you-" She looked down at the book Robin was holding, "Oh. Whoops. Hehe. You should NEVER leave a book on how to cancel out spells lying around, father!" Morgan looked back up at Robin's face.

"Why did you write in this book? This book is important to me!" Robin tried his level-best to keep calm."

"I did it to show you the consequences of being forgetful!"

"By defacing my book, and cancelling out the protection spell? You couldn't leave a note, or something?"

"What if you were forgetful again, and that forgetfulness cost us a life on the battlefield? You needed a reminder that you would remember!"

"Huh... Never thought of it that way..."

"I'm starting to become a better tactician than you are! You need to practice!"

"That's what I was trying to do, when I noticed the drawings!"

"And I was trying to sleep! Gooood-night!" Morgan disappeared back into her tent.

"Oh, you are SO grounded young lady!" Robin walked away as her heard shouts of protest from inside Morgan's tent. He walked back to his tent (although Robin was married to Lucina at this point, Chrom didn't let them share a tent like everybody else who was married, because he almost killed Robin when they found Morgan, and became paranoid that they would... Do stuff. In the middle of a war.), he saw Chrom walk out of the mess tent with an angry look on his face. Vaike also left, and Robin stopped him to speak to him.

"Hello, Vaike. I'm guessing you told Chrom what happened earlier?"

"Yeah... Heh. He got really pissed over it."

"Understandably so. Also, WAY TO GO, YOU SNITCH."

"What? I di-"

"Lucina probably wanted us to keep the incident a SECRET!"

"Oh... Right... Haha..."

"What's so funny?"

"Lucina can handle swords... She's probably good at handling lances, if you know what I mean." And with that, Robin set fire to Vaike's hair with a blast of Bolganone fire magic, and stormed off to his tent to sleep.

Chrom found Lucina talking with Sumia. He approached them, and asked,

"Lucina, is it alright if I talk with you quickly?"

"F-FATHER! HELLO!" Lucina jumped, and turned around quickly, never making direct eye contact with Chrom. Sumia walked off, she knew that Chrom needed to talk to their daughter in private.

"I know what happened earlier. At the village."

"OH... YOU DO?" Lucina gulped, and backed away slightly.

"You need anger management!"

"Wait, what."

"Your first reaction to anything is to stab it!" Chrom looked at Lucina with a slight look of fear, as Lucina reached for the Falchion's scabbard.

"I DO NOT!"

"Yes you do! You're reaching for your Falchion right now!"

"Am I-oh. I am. Huh. I see what you mean, now." Lucina moved her hand away from the legendary blade of... Uh... Legend?

"You need to learn how to control your anger! I know I'd be miffed id somebody walked in on ME naked, but I wouldn't kill the person!"

"But Vaike and Robin were SPYING on me!"

"Spying? What? Vaike told me that they had accidentally stumbled upo-"

"WELL, THEY'RE LIARS!" Lucina didn't want to talk about it anymore. She walked off to do some stargazing, as she did every night. Chrom, realising the perverse nature of the incident, rushed off to beat the ever-living crap out of Vaike and Robin for what they did. He found Vaike first, with his head in a bucket of water. Vaike had to stay in the medical tent for a week. Robin got it even worse. Gerome, Morgan and Sumia had to prise him off of Robin, who spent a fortnight recovering in the emergency-fatal wound healing tent.

A fortnight later...

"Phew, so glad to be out of there! Fresh air never felt so good!" Robin sighed, as he looked around.

"Robin? May I have a word?" Lucina was behind him, with the Falchion in one hand.

"Yes, of course what do you w-GAAAAAA-" Lucina had never got HER revenge on him yet. This time, he had to stay in the emergency-fatal wound healing tent for an entire month!

_That's the end of this story! I know it was incredibly short, but this isn't one of my proper stories, but my next one will be longer. It will also be the follow up to the misadventures of the Justice Cabal!_


End file.
